" It means buckle your seatbelt Doroty ‘cause Kansas is going bye-bye "
— Joe Pantoliano, The Matrix

MRQE Top Critic

Apocalypse Now: Redux

There are 10 reasons not to miss Apocalypse Now: Redux at the theater —Richard Sharp (review...)

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On Friday night I headed to the roof of K’s China down on the Hill and ingested far too ‘Volcanoes’. A ‘Volcano’ is a large clay bowl filled with rum, vodka, tequila (I think), and about four other liquors splashed with a little bit of juice. It’s the kind of drink that can be shared three ways and made to light on fire if one is so inclined. It also can cause an obscene hangover.

So Saturday I wake up, tapemouth in tow, and ponder the possibilities. Let’s see - it’s about a hundred degrees outside....my stomach feels like there’s a family of rodents living in it...my head is throbbing like a horrid techno remix of the night before... and then it hit me - air conditioning, soda, Reese Witherspoon, stupidity, clichés, no need for mental capacity whatsoever- Legally Blonde!

Dumb da dumb dumb

Now, usually, I avoid using exclamation points in anything I write, but this movie deserves about a billion !!!!!!!!’s. It’s dazzlingly dumb! Supremely stupid! Delightfully dim-witted! There are two reasons to head to this film: Reese Witherspoon and revelry in the sheer unadulterated yeah yeah yeah of an implausible movie with ridiculous characters.

The um...story

Blonde girl from LA (Witherspoon) sets out to win her ex-fiancée back by getting into Harvard Law and turning smart. A series of walking stereotypes cheer her on, harass her, and give her ample opportunity to pull off blonde fashion-conscious witticisms and heroics. Um, oh yeah, and she wins a murder case.

Why bother?

Well, I’ll tell you why bother. Because you really liked Three’s Company. And Paulie Shore movies make you laugh. And because unlike other stupid movies from major studios masquerading as serious films, this one is honest - it’s willfully crappy, exuberantly moronic. And like a Rodney Dangerfield flick or Reese Witherspoon’s last great piece of trash - Cruel Intentions - it’s fun. So go check it out, and leave those firing synapses at home.